(apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, wait did I hear a mouse?
Among the stockings by the chimney did he dare,
I mean, really? St Nicholas soon should be there!
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While on the mantle two mice poked out their heads.
I suspect they thought they would duck out for a quick nightcap,
Did they really think I was in for a long winter’s nap?
When I moved for them, they knocked over stuff with a clatter,
I sprang to the chair to get above the splatter.
Down from upstairs my dad flew like a flash,
He looked like a shopper on a last minute dash.
Looking around the fallen objects, his anger did grow
I saw in my future a night out at eight below.
I know and I saw how things might appear,
But it wasn’t my fault the mice were as clumsy as reindeer.
But now with fair warning, the mice were so quick,
I knew in a moment I would be outside to see St Nick.
More rapid than eagles my master did curse my name,
And he hollered, and shouted, and put me out in shame!
“Now Cat! now, Demon! now, Spawn of Vixen!
I feed you good food, let you sleep in my house and you go on this Blitzen!
To the back porch! Stay off the top of the wall!
Now get away! Get away! Get away from it all!”
As the husband went back in, the wife’s words did fly,
When he met this obstacle, he knew he should not have told me goodbye.
So outside to find me in the snow, he flew,
I think he was most grateful, he quickly found me, too.
And then, in a twinkling, we were back under roof.
During the prancing and pawing, I acted aloof.
As I cleaned my paws, and was turning around,
Down the chimney a mouse came with a bound.
He was covered in black, from his head to his foot,
And his fur was all tarnished with ashes and soot.
It was like my Christmas toy was back,
I gave him just enough time to say “Ack.”
The tree lights-how they twinkled! The music how merry!
My master buys roses, but she prefers chocolate with a cherry!
But the droll little mouse was drawn up like a bow,
And the belly and feet were as white as the snow.
I picked him up and held him tight in my teeth,
A grand idea encircled my head like a wreath.
Instead of putting this mouse in my round little belly,
That shook when I laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
This mouse was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I thought this, in spite of myself!
A wink of my eye and a thought in my head,
Soon gave me to know I was headed straight to her bed.
I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
And padded past stockings, then decided to lurk.
I chose to lay it right beside of her nose,
With a shriek, straight out of bed she rose!
It might have been okay if the mouse hadn’t given a whistle,
But he wasn’t quite dead and was thrown like the down of a thistle.
But I heard Dad exclaim, ‘ere I flew out of sight,
“I told you to leave that damn cat out tonight!”